"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go..." - Dr. Seuss, Oh! The Places You'll Go!



a new on-ramp: rebirth
Monday, October 03, 2005

"you can make a fresh start with your final breath."
- bertolt brecht

what if someone told you that you were going to die at a specific date and time? what would you do?

when i was asked as such, i felt like i was the male version of veronika in 'veronika decides to die' by paolo coehlo. when she was told that she only had a number of days to live, she wanted to live it to the fullest. initially, she felt an apprehension to live it because it was only a few days left and she was resigned to it. but the shortness of it allowed her to take the situation as it is and be engaged in each and every moment.

initially, i was taken aback by the thought of it. i mean i knew i was leading a pretty full life. i took risks and love going off on adventures. but was anything lacking? was i denying something of myself? there were still a few and this was the right time to face it: letters to give and closures to complete. in my case as well, there was so much willfulness at the end of it. i didn't care about what other people thought about anymore and just do what i had to do.

i was able to have closure with the relationship i have with a certain girl. i was able to communicate with an old friend. i gave my parents letters that i should have given months ago. i ate my green tea ice cream. i e-mailed friend and said a short thank you. i gave books away. i went to the new college of architecture building in u.p.and marveled at the structure. i bought my mom flowers for no reason at all. i paid for a ticket that i haven't paid for in a long time. i looked at the stars. i saw a beautiful sunset. i drove more slowly and was less tempered in my driving. i had (and have) a certain calmness that i am satisfied with this life.

this newness carried me to another plane, a rebirth. this is the life that i have and there is no looking back. sting once said that taking risks carry us into a state of grace. i definitely believe that. and though mistakes are made, there is always a fresh start. i had head knowledge of this before, but to actually expereince it was a journey on it's own. over the weekend, i was talking with a couple of friends and one of them was telling me that some experiences actually break you but they also renew you.

this was one of those. i had to be broken and changed in order to be a better person. especially with the girl, i was broken but i didn't allow myself to be renewed. and this was a brilliant opportunity to do so.

when faced with the thought of death, i realized how life is important. when you actually let death stare at your face, you tend to walk the tightrope of your own life and take the risks. all i needed was a push. i knew that there was a certain willfulness to do such an undertaking: that this is what i decide to do today. what got me was to see some things as important and others as unimportant.

with all the things that held me to the past, i let go of. it felt good not to be riddled and be preoccupied with the things that held me down. the present is what remains.

but more than anything else, i felt a sense of total gratitude. that life is good to me. that i am blessed. that in those 25 years, i expereinced fullness. wow.

when i wake up tomorrow, i will be so thankful that there will be another day. and that will be the beginning of the rest of my life.

*****

thanks, jim. that was a great class.

posted by lex @ 6:53 PM,

6 Comments:

At 7:51 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i got here thru sir jim. hope it's okei.

your entry... wow... i was just moved to tears.

 
At 9:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aha so I found your blog! Hehehe
Glad to be in the same class.

 
At 2:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

maligayang bati sa iyong muling pagsilang!

mabuhay ka!

 
At 10:04 PM, Blogger lex said...

jey: you're welcome anytime to visit this blog. thanks for dropping by! thanks for your comment!

tiffany: hey! hey! hey! t'was a great class indeed! glad to be in the class with all of you. hope to see you soon!

by the way, i linked you in my photos section.

mia: maraming salamat!

 
At 11:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sige link din kita. Hiya ako sa photos ko wala kasi akong sariling camera. Hehe

 
At 12:13 AM, Blogger lex said...

gusto ko nga mga kuha mo. astig! block-buster nga diba? :)

 

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