"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go..." - Dr. Seuss, Oh! The Places You'll Go!



destination: the sacrament of goodbyes
Wednesday, October 05, 2005

i got an e-mail from tiffany on the article of paulo coelho, closing cycles. it just reminded me of an article i wrote 3 years ago on the same topic. i called it 'the sacrament of goodbyes' and was based on fr. james donelan's 'the sacrament of waiting'. i reworked some of the paragraphs in order to suit my situation today.

i do believe that we need to end parts of our lives at one time or another. and this is one of the reasons why i leave communities or why i end romantic relationships. when something starts to lack meaning and becomes a mere object, one must move on even if people do not understand. sometimes the mystery is just not brought forth anymore.

*****

"when your ship, long moored in harbour, gives you the illusion of being a house... put out to seas! save your boat's journeying soul, and your own pilgrim soul, cost what it may be."
- archbishop helder camara

i can't help but think about the state of 'moving on' as i turn a year older in a few days. a lot has changed over the course of the year. Just to name a few: i resigned from work, said goodbye to friends who left for other countries and transferred to a new house.

i remembered years ago when i left the house that i grew up in, i needed to physically detach myself from it. after 22 years of living in that house (and having fond memories of it), i needed to let go. and to move away from that centered comfort makes me think about it even more.

when i look at my own personal experience, this has not been the first time. i have said goodbye to good friends, to relatives who live abroad, to my school and to loved ones who passed away. sometimes, i actually refuse to face it but i am at that end. and being there requires maturity, discipline, unshakable faith and unwavering hope. this is not only in the difficult, gut-wrenching events in my life but rather it can also be seen in the everyday. i have seen myself saying goodbye: to friends going home after a gimmick, at the end of telephone conversations, to people who i visit and to my parents as i go to work.

letting go, moving on, saying goodbye and being at the end -- it is part of our lives. whether we like it or not, it is weaved into the very fabric of our being. and as such, it is a mystery that fills us: a certain meaningfulness and subjectiveness; a natural sacrament of our lives.

and the only way to immerse in it is to live it.

how can we accept our jobs if we have not learned to let go of school? how do we allow other people to flourish if we do not allow them to lead their own lives? how are we able to let go if we have not learned to accept that people do indeed move on? in understanding that other people have commitments, that they need to grow and find their own lives, we learn to move on as well. people need to heed their calls. when lovers cannot unearth meaning and joy in their relationship, they have to first patiently wait and rekindle. and when all has been done and letting go is the best resolve, then there must be an acceptance of distancing and moving away fom intimacy, even if it hurts. we ourselves have to find our own meaning, our own centeredness and our own unfolding.

but why do we have say goodbye? there is no simple answer. it is a demand that life imposes on us. roads have ends, flowers must wilt, the sun will set and the music will stop. people move on to the next stage of their lives. in this, love must be given, while none is expected. it is only when we have truly been able to let go that we have loved somebody other than ourselves.

and the beauty of it is that we allow ourselves to know what love means. and only then do we realize that it is a gift.

but as all mysteries are, this must not be rushed nor be delayed. as with God's perfect timing, it comes at the point of aptness. (may sadyang kahulugan.) there is a destination that we seek. and with this, the movement of moving away is filled with so much hope and faith. we hold to the fragile threads that makes us continue on living and the Spirit allows us to immerse in it fully.

posted by lex @ 10:34 AM,

4 Comments:

At 12:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good to know that the article I sent moved you. It was originally forwarded to me before, re-reading it again just reaffirmed what I needed to do.
Also check out Coelho's the Valkyries if you havent.

 
At 8:45 PM, Blogger lex said...

that article always comes at an appropriate time. thanks for that one! i'm amazed with paulo coelho. as you say, you read it when you're ready. i've also read the valkyries. maybe it's time i reread it.

 
At 1:23 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

your reworking of donelan's article is beautiful, lex. beautiful. :)

 
At 11:52 AM, Blogger lex said...

thanks, jon. it was a beautiful article to begin with. and goodbyes and closures are more a part of my life now than ever before.

 

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